Morning

Mmm....a good cup of coffee and Celtic folk music. What could be a better way to start the day?

New Bruise

This morning I have a new bruise on my right knee, and a slightly bruised ego. Apparently, while I'd like to tell myself I'm good in an emergency, when it comes to huge Doberman Pinscher puppies (keep in mind that this "puppy" was half of my size) running towards me and my fiance's dog clumsily, I completely freak out.

In this particular case, I backed up as quickly as possible, and kept shouting "Please get your dog, please get your dog." This was all happening as (1) the owners of said Doberman Pinscher (Ronan, I later learned) were desperately trying to retrieve their dog (who was not aggressive, just extremely curious, as most puppies are), (2) our dog (imagine this dog about 15 lbs. heavier - our dog is also part Aussie Shepherd) was starting to get aggressive (probably in part because she's missing a back leg and a huge dog was running at her, in part because she sensed my distress, and in part because she's just a "pissy little dog," as my fiance would say), (3) and a random passerby was also trying to get a hold on Ronan.

All of this was over quite quickly, but it was stressful enough that I started to cry when it was all over. Not big gushing tears, but I felt kind of foolish, nonetheless - especially since Ronan's owners were so distraught at having caused me stress. They offered to get me something to drink and the random passerby put a comforting hand on my shoulder. Meanwhile, Casey, our little crazy aggressive dog, was acting very friendly (which she usually doesn't, as our friends can attest) - she's sometimes quite good at impression management.

I have hope that the rest of the day will be a bit calmer.*

*As a side note, I really wish I were at the place in that picture right now, instead of the summer heat!

I Admit It

I love Josh Groban.

I know that his music is derided by every man I know, including my father and fiance, who are quite sensitive men.

I know his lyrics are repetitive and lack much substance.

But have you heard him sing?*

As somebody who participated in numerous choirs throughout high school and college, I appreciate his form and clarity.

As a girl who does not get chills from just anything she hears, I appreciate the way Josh Groban's music makes me feel.

I have to face the fact that I love his music... even if he is among the latest classically trained, quasi-pop singers** out there, who are trying to blurr the lines of traditional music categories.***

*I can't help myself...he's also beautiful to look at. Check out that link.
**To this classification I would also add Charlotte Church, Hayley Westenra, and Il Divo, among others.
***This is a discussion for another post.

One Step at a Time

After allowing myself to not work for somewhere between 6 and 8 days, I find myself having already worked this morning for 2 1/2 hours. Woo-hoo!!!

I knew (as did my fiance) that this would happen. I was always one of those kids who wished school would start earlier than September (back when kids started school in September). I just get bored too easily without more interesting entertainment than Civilization IV, which is quite addictive, and mentally challenging.* I just can't stand staring at the computer all day.**

At this point, I'm babbling. I just wanted to send a virtual message to myself that all was not lost in sociology land, and that I can be a productive member of society.***

*My Civ addiction is similar to the SimCity addiction my best friend and I had in middle school. We figured out how to get free funds on the game, and would spend hours taking turns playing the game and watching the other one play the game. We did take breaks now and then to play dress up, watch Avonlea on the Disney Channel, and play wall ball. Life was simpler then, and we were very innocent...
**I also have the problem that I only want to play the earlier time periods, and never advance into the Industrial Age. Life was just so much more interesting when the 7 Wonders were around.
***The past couple of months have been really hard.

The Stoopid Test

Well, this is what happened when I took the following test:



I'm not sure this test is completely accurate. For instance, if I'm so smart, why am I sitting around taking such tests when I really should be revising one of my articles for submission to a journal? That's a question for the less stoopid out there to answer.

Take Note

Awhile ago, two friends and I attended a fundraising dinner for an American Indian cause. The guest of honor was an Indian shaman. He spoke to us for about two hours.

This was a new experience for me. And, as I sat there surrounded by the wealthy, privileged class of the city in which I live, I found myself ignoring the context of the situation and focusing on the magnetic man in front of me.

He said a lot of things. But one important idea had the most impact. He said that we tout certain days "special," such as birthdays and holidays, and celebrate them accordingly. However, he wanted to remind us that every day is cause for celebration - we are alive, we are well, and we are given the gift of another day.

I forget this simple idea quite often. My fiance and I visited my cousin, B, and his fiance a couple weeks ago, and I was reminded that my wonderful cousin does not forget to celebrate every day. Of course, he is sometimes impractical in his excitement,* but the excitement is infectious.

All of this is to say that I would like to be more excited about every day before me. They truly are gifts, and shouldn't be squandered. There is too much to experience.


*The most notable example of impracticality on that particular trip was taking the dog on a hike over quite rough rock, where she clearly did not want to be. My cousin at one point exclaimed, "See, she LOVES it!," as the dog bravely trudged on after her master. Ten feet behind, far enough so that B didn't hear, my fiance said to me, "I think it's more accurate to say that she TOLERATES it, because she loves B." This is just one of many examples of why I'm with my fiance, rather than somebody like B, no matter how great he is.

Anger

"Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger." - J.R.R. Tolkien

I wish right now that the above quote related to me. For the past few months, I have become angry, with brief periods of sanity, and unfortunately, I'm not a wizard, and so have no excuse.

I have a book on my shelf that my mother gave me several years ago titled "The Dance of Anger." It's a self-help book promoting good ways for women to express their anger, since we have a tendency to hold things in, thus denying ourselves, or burst out violently, thus living up to the "bitch" label given to lots of us. I have read some of the book, and am not ready to claim it fully good or bad, although I think the author is doing a good job discussing the emotions that often occur as a result of gender roles. However, this is a side note to the larger point, although perhaps I'll blog about the book once I've finished it.

I've become quite good at hiding my anger in public. Unfortunately, my fiancee gets the brunt of it, most of the time undeservedly, behind the closed door of our home. This makes sense; I'm a social psychologist, and know the tools of impression management well. But I don't like it.

I'm tired of being angry. It saps my energy, it makes me dislike myself greatly, which leads to low self-esteem and a general feeling of malaise. It also makes me quite irritated at little things that used to roll off my shoulders. Most of all, anger is not the best emotion to be feeling when trying to have right relations with others. Anonymous had it right when s/he said, "Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love."

Obviously, I'm not going into the sources of my anger. There are quite a few, dealing mostly with family, and I don't feel like venting them here. But I can't seem to get the anger to go away, so perhaps publicly discussing it will help spur me to action. Or, perhaps I can just change my occupation and become a Wizard!