Growth

I have always believed that the person you marry should challenge you to be your best self, and to grow and change when necessary.

Through knowing my husband for the past eight years, there are numerous ways I have grown, but today I'm reminded of how my views of the military have changed.

I grew up hearing stories about the huge fights my mother and father used to have with her family about the Vietnam War. My mother and my father, who grew up Quaker and did alternative service during Vietnam, did not believe in the war. In contrast, Uncle Jack (my mother's oldest brother), had enlisted in the Navy when he was 17 (I'm not sure how), had served in WWII, and was then serving in Vietnam. My Uncle Sonny (my mother's middle brother) had served in Korea as a radio technician, and my Uncle Jim (her younger brother) was drafted to serve in Vietnam as an airplane mechanic.

Although I knew that all three of my uncles had been in the military, I always leaned more towards my father's views of war. In fact, since I didn't believe in war as a good outcome to conflict, it didn't occur to me to think of the soldiers as separate from war, until I met my husband.

My husband, who has no family members in the military, but whose best friend was in the Marine Corps for quite a few years, has a tremendous sense of gratitude for the service of military personnel. This gratitude may be the result of growing up male and being a history buff, both of which have exposed him to the awful realities of war. Whatever the source of his gratitude, my husband has helped me to separate the wars from the individuals, and that has helped me to grow.

I still do not fundamentally believe in war as a solution to political problems (although I do realize its necessity, from time to time), I have come to have a deep appreciation for the men and women who serve in the armed forces. I may not understand why they choose to join the military, or endorse their beliefs (especially the ones who join because they want to further god's will), but they all put their lives on the line for their country, and for that I have immense respect.

On Saturday, my husband and I shook hands with two veterans collecting donations for the Veterans of Foreign Wars Foundation. I'll admit, it was hard for me to step beyond my revulsion for war and thank them, but it was worth it.

Pride

Today was the last day of class, and my students applauded at the very end.*

It's a good day.

*I must say thank you to my husband for not telling me, "I told you so" when I recounted this story to him earlier. I've been stressing all semester about whether I was teaching a good class or not, and he's had the unenviable job of reassuring me. Well, apparently he was right that I'm a good teacher (or else I'm really good at fooling my class ; ).

Spousal Social Capital

Today, after reading/editing/commenting on the fifth of the papers my husband has written this year, I realized what a benefit it is to him to have a sociologist for a wife (and for me to have a sociologist for a husband, of course ; ).

Not only can we assess the quality of each other's arguments, in addition to the regular editing tasks (watching for logical organization, comma splices, etc.), but having each other as spouses mean that we have an automatic confidant in the workplace.*

With only my own experience to go on, I'm prepared to say that our mutual career is an incredible asset professionally. And I'm wondering if such "spousal social capital" in the workplace will only become more common as more women have entered, and continue to enter, the workforce.

*Of course, this benefit has also sometimes taken the form of a curse. I remember a specific time period (around completing my dissertation), when I tried to forbid the discussion of sociology outside our department. Not only did this not work very well at all, it caused a bit of friction, since both of our identities are highly tied to being a sociologist, and of course you want to share important things with your spouse. Good times!

Family-Friendly Company

NPR today has a story about family-friendly companies that are allowing parents to bring their young babies (up to six months old) to work.

The companies are finding that women come back to work earlier, which is useful, since approximately 1/4 of women quit their jobs when they have a baby. And the women feel a lot less stress because they don't have to leave their babies at such a young age.

The number of companies allowing this is small (approximately 140 in the U.S.), but the idealist in me has high hopes for the spread of the idea.

You can find the story here.

Pros and Cons of Being a Grown-Up

Pros

• own home
• have nice, new car
• live in a neighborhood where trash doesn't blow down the street, and undergrads don't constantly stream by on their way to class
• have enough money to no longer need to live a hand-to-mouth existence
• have "real" job

Cons

• tricksy taxes

Thank you, Dolly Parton

One of the nicest things about iTunes is the shuffle feature. It often reminds me of music I forgot I had, like Dolly Parton. I just listened to the song "Marry Me" on her Little Sparrow album (which is awesome). If you haven't listened to much of her music, she has a fabulous sense of humor in some of her lyrics, such as the following:

His momma don't like me one little bit
But you know I don't care
Let her pitch her hissy-fit
Cause I ain't a'marryin' her

Just hearing that brought a smile to my face...a nice way to finish up the week. And no, it did not bring a smile to my face because it reminded me of my own life - my mother-in-law is a very dear woman, with whom I get along quite nicely.

Have a nice weekend.

Why does this frustrate me so much?

Early last week a student asked me for a recommendation that is due this Sunday. I told her I was happy to complete the recommendation, but that she needed to leave a signed copy of the recommendation form in my box by last Friday (this week is spring break), and email me at least a draft copy of her personal statement by this past Monday, so I'd have time to write her a thorough recommendation.

I didn't hear from her until today. She sent me her information, which is good. What is not so good is that today is Wednesday, and she still has not gotten me the first page of the recommendation (which has the important student waiver of information on it), and would like me to campus mail her the recommendation letter. She, herself, will not be back in town until Friday.

I sent her a reply that I will still write her letter if she wants, but it will be less thorough given the time lag. Additionally, I have told her that she needs to get me the first page of the recommendation by Friday morning because I am going out of town for the weekend. I said she'll have to let me know if she still wants me to write it.

Why am I so frustrated about this? I have a really hard time sometimes not taking student actions personally, when they're really only hurting themselves. Have any of you had similar experiences? How do you react to students who aren't on the ball?